How to Know Your Tailor Is Lying to You
September 1, 2026 · 5 min read · Ché Orika Editorial
You do not know you have anger issues until you are standing in a shop at 4pm, calling somebody for the ninth time, wondering what exactly you are going to wear tomorrow.
You do not know you have anger issues until you are standing in a shop at 4pm, calling somebody for the ninth time, wondering what exactly you are going to wear tomorrow.
Here are the signs.
She gives you a time, not a day.
"Come by 4pm."
Very specific. Very confident.
You get there at 4pm. She is not around. Her girl is there. Your dress is also there.
The beading is not.
She develops a memory problem, and it only affects dates.
You say Friday.
She says, "Ah, no be next week Friday you talk?"
You did not say next week Friday.
You said Friday.
She stops typing and starts sending voice notes.
Text can be screenshotted.
A voice note has generator noise in the background and somehow makes everything sound less serious.
"Come by 9am."
The morning of the event.
You gave her the fabric two weeks ago.
She is holding your dress together with her hands.
This one is important.
She is behind you, pulling the fabric down at the back with one hand and holding the waist in with the other.
"It will sit better when you wear it properly."
Look at the mirror again.
It is not sitting on you.
She is holding it.
And she is not coming to the wedding.
It becomes your body's fault.
"This is the measurement you gave me."
Suddenly, your body has entered the investigation.
She has stopped picking up and your event is tomorrow.
Nine calls.
Two rings and cut.
Then, at 8:47pm:
"My dear, sorry o."
"Small small adjustment."
Nothing about it will be small.
She asks for your measurements again.
You gave them to her in March.
She asks again in August.
At this point, even your waist is tired.
She calls you "ma."
You have known this woman for two years.
You have sent each other Christmas messages.
Today:
"Yes ma."
Something has happened.
She says "I've started."
You ask what exactly she has started.
She says, "Everything."
You later discover she has bought thread.
She says your fabric is with her.
Technically, this is true.
Progress is another matter.
She tells you to "manage it."
You have just spent money on the outfit.
You are not managing anything.
You are wearing it.
To be fair, tailoring is hard work. There are too many customers, too many deadlines and, occasionally, a woman who changes the entire design after the fabric has already been cut.
But sometimes you just want the simple version.
You see something you like. You know your size. You try it on. It fits. You take it home.
No Friday that quietly becomes next Friday.
No "my dear, I am almost there."
No woman holding your dress together in the mirror while telling you it will look different when it is finished.
Sometimes, the easiest way to get the outfit is to buy the outfit.
Imagine that.